on Ryan's Spring Break
By: Ryan's Roommate
we sure did pound Destin for Spring Break. We learned many of
life's lessons in one short week. Some learned the value of sunscreen.
Others discovered that it is important to pack a bathing suit,
sunglasses, and a towel before going to the beach. I learned that
never want to go on a vacation with Ryan again.
It's hard to relax from school when you have Captain Complaints
over your shoulder. It's a good thing I am a business major and
classes are easy and I don't do anything in school ever. If I did
though, I would have probably suffered a nervous breakdown due to
Let's see. He's already told you about the sorority debacle. I had
hear this story approximately 72 times. Let me shed some light on
It was pretty obvious that we were a little bit out of place at
party... i think about half of us were wearing collared shirts with
khakis, so we could blend in... to an extent. None of us wore croakies
or boat shoes, etc. This wardrobe blunder automatically negated
chance of even conversing with females (this phenomenon is true;
discussing it in detail would require an additional letter. and
offense to frat guys either.) Now, I think Lawson and I were aware
this clothing requirement faux pas, but young innocent Ryan had
In fact, he wasn't even wearing a solid polo shirt. He was wearing
button down hawaiian print shirt. Strike One. I thought men weren't
allowed to even buy those unless you're over 30 and have two kids,
gut, and slightly balding. I'm surprised they even let him in the
house! Now that i think about it, the girl who let us in the door
"Hey y'all come on in" but it could have been "Who
are you, you didnt
meet the dress code -- Are you even real?? Is this a joke?"
Her head may have also exploded due to the uncomprehension that
people are allowed to dress differently than the norm. But I don't
really know what happened.
I dont ever pay attention to the first few lines in conversation
anyways. My money is on the second scenario.
Back to the issue at hand. Naive Ryan is still on a quest to be
sociable. He breaks away from the group without me noticing (my
back was facing him.) According to his article, he said, "Is
this where all the
cool people sit?"
Strike Two, and I wish that two strikes meant a strikeout because
is the worst line i think you could ever say in this situation.
that?! What happened to "Hi, how are you?" or "Hey,
what's up?" or "I'm
addicted to you don't you know that you are toxic?"
So of course, the girl just gets up and walks away, which is hilarious.
He probably did something else that he isn't telling us, such as
flashing a hang ten sign and winking while he threw his dumb line
Well, i must say that it was quite rude of her just to walk away,
since it was at the expense of Ryan's already ailing pride, we can
have a good laugh.
Oh yeah. Strike Three, because one time in an unrelated incident
he was singing in a really high pitched voice and he didn't know
i was standing behind him. He sang for a solid minute or so before
he turned around. I could keep going on about what happened in spring
break, but thats
enough for now. I hope now everyone understands why Ryan got aced
at the sorority party. I may have hit myself in the face three times
playing volleyball, but i was the only one who spiked the ball on
a defenseless 13 year old girl. We were getting beat, I had to do