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-I suppose that we should be rooting for England, since they are kind of like America’s dad. Happy belated Father’s Day England! But they do seem to be ok with whatever we do (War on Terror). I guess they just don’t want to get pounded again. They got their fill from 1819 or whenever that was. I’m not a freakin’ history major, leave me alone… we beat England, right?
-Soccer is the only sport where the people in the stands are like 8 times tougher than the athletes on the field. Soccer hooligans are nuts. Soccer players are the exact opposite.
-Holy Crap! Someone hit the ground! Stop the game! Someone might get a grass stain!
-Once I went to a Monday Night Football game between the Carolina Panthers and the Green Bay Packers I think. Some crazy fan ran onto the field and one of the Panther’s linebackers exited the huddle and took out the fan. And by took out, I mean he almost killed the guy. He tackled this fan so hard he did a backflip. It was one of the beastliest things I have ever seen. The other day, I saw a clip on Sports Center where a hooligan got loose at a soccer game and ran across the field, and one chivalrous soccer player took it upon himself to slide-tackle the fan. I don’t even need to tell you how weak that is. Immediately after getting slide tackled, the hooligan got right back up and miraculously continued running even after taking such a vicious blow. The guy that got leveled by the Panther’s linebacker was carried off the field in a stretcher.
-England just scored and the clock says 33:49… why is it going up? I guess soccer is more optimistic or something.
-Our living room is haunted. Wilson recently brought in an extra TV into the living room specifically for the purpose of playing the new Megaman X collection on one TV while watching the Braves on another. My other two roommates and I are watching this crappy soccer game, Wilson is elsehwere either studying or scrounging through my room. The TV Wilson brought in suddenly, without even being touched by anyone in the last 18 hours falls out of the chair it was placed in and apparently is broken. Wilson hears the crash and rushes in and we are all sitting down. He is under the impression that we sabotaged his TV. Maybe if the dark side hadn’t clouded our judgment, we could have foreseen the TV’s inexplicable falling and used the force to save the TV. I am such a nerd.
-It’s halftime and we are scrounging for things to watch. Spin City, 101 Crimes of Fashion on E!, TRL, so I’m going to change the subject for a minute.
-Ryan Quote #1: “Everytime you have to pee but don’t want to get up, an engineer is born.”
-Ryan Quote #2: “You think Heidi Klum is hotter than Adreana Lima? What are you, gay?
-Ryan Quote #3: “I learn to deal with my problems, not solve them”
-Tate, Clausen and I are all eating Pop-Ices. And they are delicious.
-Here is the hierarchy of sport awesomeness (Starting at the top and working its way down): 1) Football 2)Basketball 3)Women’s Tennis 4)Women’s Beach Volleyball 5) Golf 6)Fishing 7)Hockey 8)Bowling 9)World’s Strongest Man Competition 10)Curling 11)Men’s Beach Volleyball 12) Men’s Tennis 13)Baseball 14) NASCAR 15)Soccer
-Soccer is a lot more entertaining when it’s a bunch of 6 and under kids swarming around a ball, mangling each other up and down the field. Those were the glory days.
-Oh geez. Sweden just scored. The score is 1-1. Since America is the only country who likes to win, most of the world prefers not to risk excitement and settles for a tie. There will be no shootout or overtime if the game is tied at the end of regulation.
-Instead of stopping the clock, Soccer games simply calculate the time that the clock should have stopped, and adds it at the end of regulation. I guess the stopwatch hasn’t made its way back across the Atlantic yet.
-There is little to no strategy to soccer. Okay, you dribble down the side and then you lob it across the middle, hoping that your tallest player in head-butt the ball into the goal. That’s why no one ever scores.
-When I played soccer as a kid, it was always the goofy kid who played goalie. Now that I think about it, the goalie is the only logical person on the field. Who wouldn’t want to be able to use thier hands?
-I say we boycott Wendy’s for their ‘Soquid’ and ‘Fpoon’ commercial. Who’s with me? A #2 with extra cheese is not worth endorsing such stupidity. But a #3 with extra cheese…
-How come these guys can kick a ball like 90 yards with ease? I guess they don’t have to wear pads and are kicking a more aerodynamic ball… John Vaughn, you got off easy this time.
-Logically speaking, America should not be nearly as good as anyone else at Soccer. America cares about soccer less than any other country in the world. I was a little upset that America was supposed to do well at this year’s World Cup. I thought we invented football and baseball and NASCAR so we wouldn’t have to watch soccer anymore, it was all part of the Revolutionary War. Read your history books.
-If Europe got any sports right, they got Rugby right.
-Two dudes just jumped at the same ball for a head butt, and one guy was grabbing the other guys hip or something and the announcer was like “It’s a physical game…” Are you kidding me? You can’t even use your hands!
-Tate just told me that Trae Blackman (Redshirt Linebacker for Auburn last year) came in to where he worked and Tate got to shake his hand, and Trae almost broke it. Tate says that Trae’s nickname is “The Little Ball of Hate.” Needless to say, this guy is a beast and kills people for fun and by accident as well.
-Oh geez. England just scored.
-The guy who invented offsides for soccer is the same guy who is trying to keep steroids out of baseball. He is desperately trying to keep Baseball and Soccer from dropping from their reign as the King and Queen of boring sports.
-Okay, this is staged. Sweden just scored a crappy roll in goal with no time left in regulation. Soccer is the European Pro Wrestling. The game is tied 2-2.
-Well the clock is going a few minutes past 90:00, when will the game end? No one knows.
-Beckham did a rather impressive cartwheel.
-The game ends
in a tie. I want the last 2 hours of my life back.
Ryan can be contacted at
ryan@theauburner.com
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