NC State @ South Carolina The best game of opening day. If Steve Spurrier can’t turn South Carolina around, I have no idea why Nick Saban could. Statistically, Spurrier is just as successful as Saban, except Spurrier’s National Championship was real. Both coaches however were equally terrible in the NFL. Aaaaanyways, South Carolina, much like the rest of the SEC (save Florida, Bama, and Georgia), has quarterback issues to sort out. I like Chris Smelley because his name makes me giggle (teehee!). NC State doesn’t really stand a chance anyways without Chuck Amato: the poster child for the Barrel-Chested. South Carolina wins 32-13, SEC rules!

Hawaii @ Florida I love watching teams like Hawaii and Boise State who seem to go undefeated every season take on teams that can actually defend themselves. To me it’s like watching a middle-schooler who likes to beat up elementary school students try to beat up a high school kid. Hawaii will continue to set all sorts of offensive records as they beat the ever-living crap out of Idaho and Louisiana Tech week in and week out, and its up to teams like Florida to make sure that Hawaii never receives any credit for it. Here’s to justice being fulfilled and me being an elitist! Florida wins 54-14. * Side note: Tim Tebow will win the Heisman this year merely because he won’t have to face Auburn’s defense during the regular season this year, there is no one left out there to keep that menace in check.

Kentucky @ Louisville

The best rivalry game of the opening week. I don’t really know which team is better, since Louisville has fallen off the map in the past couple of years and it seems like Kentucky’s flash in the pan might not carry over into this season. There’s no telling who is going to win this game, it might as well decided by the flip of a coin. Heads! Kentucky wins 48-3!

LSU vs. Appalachian State

Not gunna happen. Even though LSU doesn’t have a quarterback and Les Miles sucks. LSU takes App St a bit more seriously than they should and smoke them 38-9.

Tennessee @ UCLA The tough thing about being an SEC fan is that you hate every other team in the conference. This is one of those rare instances where Phil Fulmer gets to be blessed by my support. I refuse to let the Pac-10 gain any ground in the SEC… because who I root for actually has a pull on the outcome on this game. Tennessee wins, through my good graces, 21-20.

Alabama vs. Clemson (Atlanta)

Without a doubt, the most interesting game of the opening week. Will Tricky Nick Saban take his first step toward rebuilding Alabama (certainly didn’t take any last season… ZING!)? Will Clemson finally live up to the hype? Of course I’m going to root for Clemson on this one, but something tells me that Alabama might put up a pretty good fight. The talent level isn’t quite there yet for Bama, but you can sense that they REALLY want this one. But then again, I thought they REALLY would have wanted to win more than 6 regular season games last year. On the other hand, I’m sure Clemson is fed up with everyone doubting that they will be able to follow through on what should be “their year.” According to my State-Of-The-Art College Football Simulator (NCAA Football ’09… my Dynasty is SICK!), I’m going to go ahead and predict that Alabama will lose to three Tiger teams this year. The first one will be a close 17-14 loss to the Clemson variety.

Louisiana-Monroe @ Auburn

I watched the ULM vs. Bama game the other day (That’s right, I STILL have it on Tivo… I’m not obsessed…) and I was surprised to see that Bama didn’t lose because they played sloppily or turned the ball over uncontrollably. Bama lost because ULM didn’t let them gain any momentum. ULM actually SHUT Bama down. Now this may come across as me actually having SOME respect for Alabama, but this raises a bit of concern. ULM might be a just a little bit better than we give them credit. Unfortunately for them, this game is Auburn’s statement game for all sorts of reasons. Auburn needs to show the world that Tony Franklin’s new spread offense is the real deal. Our defense needs to prove to the world that they are not missing a step with Paul Rhoads taking over. If Auburn doesn’t turn in at least a 30 point shutout, there is going to be some concern. But we all know that in the back of our minds, we just want to beat the crap out of a team that embarrassed Bama. This is a bad week to be ULM. But don’t look for Auburn’s offense to be perfect just yet, along with an expected vanilla flavored version of the spread to be displayed as we save all the good stuff for LSU. The defense won’t budge though. Auburn wins 28-0.

E-mail Ryan at ryan@theauburner.com
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