The real scary thing is we didn’t have half our defense against Vanderbilt and half our offense was in high school 4 months ago. All the excitement might need to be taken with a grain of salt, seeing how we merely manhandled Vanderbilt, which is what we’ve been doing for years. But this Vandy win seemed so sweet because I was trying to cover the upset alarm that was ringing in my head all week, and everything except for the color of our jerseys historically indicated that we were not going to play well that day. Then Tubs served me up a steaming hot #8 humble taco platter combo to go and then punched it down my throat (the most delicious mistake of my life).

This game is further proof that Brandon Cox does not have a soul nor the use for what we humans call ‘emotion.’ It’s obvious now that Brandon Cox’s curiously poor start to the season was obviously the result of a virus he downloaded while linking The Auburner to his facebook profile (no machine was built to withstand such awesomeness). Now he has rebooted and is now is able to operate on his scheduled tasks, which involve wiping out SEC scum and screwing over teams with National Championship hopes.

Welcome back, Auburn’s running game. Now that Fannin and Tate are holding onto the ball (while in bounds at least), Auburn has one of the best running games in the SEC… but wait, Brad Lester is back and he doesn’t comprehend the concept of being tackled. Don’t be surprised if all the great running plays the weekend in Fayetteville are done by players with white helmets. If any defense hopes to stop Auburn, they need to pack their defense in tight, which is when Brandon Cox alters his operatives from standby to destroy, and light the field on fire.

Every ‘good’ team so far this year has been bipolar, and has at one point been upset by some lesser team, save LSU. Because of this, the top 10 is plagued with teams whom are there by default, not by merit. For instance, Ohio State has only played one team in their undefeated season so far, that being the #23 (at the time) Purdue. The only ranked team that Boston College has played so far was Georgia Tech, whom now isn’t even receiving votes at all. USC’s only ‘big win’ was against a now 41st ranked Nebraska. Don’t even get me started on West Virginia. The only teams that have some sort of merit (in my book) in the games they have won are LSU (undisputed best resume in the nation), South Florida (our fault, they shouldn’t even be ranked right now, but now they are going to look better and better as the season goes along, but it still goes down in the books regardless of how angry it makes me), and South Carolina (Georgia and Kentucky aren’t slouches). The rest are there because the team ahead of them lost.

And then there is the “Fan Poll” which is the most worthless poll I have ever seen. All it goes to show you is that people are tools. Common people do exactly the same as the real pollsters, they look at what ESPN has picked and then copy it. No one can watch every football game every Saturday, so they look at what people who ‘did’ see it think and just copy it. I’m not complaining about Auburn’s low ranking by the way, we should be pretty stoked about being ranked after losing to Mississippi State and a Big East team. I’m just complaining about Boston College and West Virginia being in the place where South Carolina and Illinois (That’s right, they’ve actually beaten good teams, and only lost to Missouri who’s also good!) should be. These are my predictions for the current top 10 teams for the rest of the season:

1) LSU- These guys are next in line to get upset. Luckily for them, it’ll be by a good team. If Auburn isn’t able to pick them off in Death Valley in two weeks, then they’ll lose the SEC Championship to Florida, whom will beat South Carolina to take the East. Either way, they will end the season with one loss, the timing might be bad enough to keep them out of the National Championship. Final Record: 12-1 or 11-1.

2) California- They got at least two losses coming their way. USC will crush them and I bet they’ll drop one against a turd like UCLA or Washington State. They won’t be #2 for long, that’s for sure. Final record: 10-2.

3) Ohio State- They will be exposed in a close win over Penn State, but will fall in the next few weeks against Illinois and Michigan (They’re slowly stitching themselves together too). Final record: 10-2

4) Boston College- Notre Dame beats them. I said it. It will be that week’s enigma, as there has been at least one a weekend this season. They’ll also drop one against Clemson. Final record: 10-2.

5) South Florida- I hate to say it, but they won’t lose this year. Who’s going to do it? Cincinnati? Louisville? There is no one competent enough to win against them. There will be a HUGE debate over allowing such a team to go into the National Championship over a one-loss juggernaut. If South Florida doesn’t get miserably screwed over and left out of the NC, they will be crushed by whomever they play. Final record: 12-0.

6) Oklahoma- They’ll get a big win over Missouri and jump into the top 3, but then drop another bomb against Texas A&M (who will come off a disappointing loss to Kansas the week before). Final record: 10-2.

7) South Carolina- Spurrier will lead the Gamecocks to a huge win over Tennessee, but a determined Florida will overcome them late in the season. Final record: 10-2.
8) West Virginia- I will erupt with anger as West Virginia sleepwalks to a one-loss season as they fight off their one ‘threatening’ opponent: Cincinnati. They’re loss to South Florida will keep them out of the National Championship invitation. Final record: 11-1.

9) Oregon- The mighty Ducks will be shot down by USC when they meet, and then drop another one on Arizona State or Oregon State. They have a couple more losses on their plate. Final record: 9-3.

10) USC- The Trojans will do what they do best for the rest of the season: play amazing in big games and let their guard down in the small ones. USC will win enough big games to get back into the National Title picture, only to look past the ferocious Beavers of Oregon State! Final record: 10-2.

You will be amazed by the accuracy* of these predictions, may I suggest laminating them? You’ll see.

War Eagle!

*Amazing accuracy can be amazing good or amazingly bad.

E-mail Ryan at ryan@theauburner.com

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