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by Ryan
2-22-07
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I
woke up this morning and did my regular five minute routine which involves
literally rolling out of bed, pounding a breakfast shake, brushing my
teeth and getting dressed... the order in which these events take place
vary from morning to morning. I then opened my front door to embark on my day only to find that it is lightly raining outside. I gave a really long sigh and stood there for a solid two minutes staring into the environment trying to determine the best answer to this question: walk or drive? That question is of little importance now. The REAL question is: Do girls get excited when they see that it is lightly raining outside, simply because they get to wear their “Rainbow Bright Boots”? I know that girls only get to wear these so often, and I would think that they would be delighted when they finally are able to. |
| Simultaneously, I can’t help but think that there is some French guy somewhere twiddling his fingers saying with an evil accent “Excellent… I can’t believe this trend actually caught on! My plan is going perfectly! Mwaahahaha!" |  |
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5)
Jared for Subway Okay, so some goober lost a lot of weight. Get someone who’s interesting. Either his lips are always chapped, or he puts on lipstick and then rubs it off right before he shoots the commercial. |
4) Any representative for any cell phone company
(Except Catherine Zeta Jones)
I tried my very best to avoid using the term. Mark warned me not to use this
term if at all possible, but the only way to describe any of the cell phone
reps is the term “douche bag.” Every last one of them. ESPECIALLY
the Alltel guy. HIS NAME IS CHAD! The only bigger douchebag that has ever
existed is the Dell Guy.
3)
Krystal Storytellers
Krystal does a smash-up job of finding the most overly hyper to tell their
boring stories of how they eat their sack of tiny burgers. If Krystal would
simply remind me that I can throw D-Grade chili and cheese on anything I want,
then I would be more likely to be a regular customer.
2)
Taco Bell Dude
We all know what a ‘4thMeal’ is. Don’t take credit for something
that some stoned college students invented in the early 60’s. By the
way, who are you? Why should I care what you have to say about various presentations
of what is essentially the same delicious item (the taco)?
1) Lucky
the Leprechaun
What kind of selfish punk won’t share some of his own cereal? What a
jerk. He’ll even abuse his Leprechaun powers just to get away from some
kids. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that this low-life hoodlum stole
the cereal from the kids in the first place.
Now for
the top 5 overrated celebrity chicks:
1) Keira Knightely
2)
Scarlett Johansson
3)
Angelina Jolie
4) Carmen Electra *
5)
Eva Langoria… Just Kidding! I should go ahead and punch myself for even
joking about her hotness.
Speaking of overrated,
when was the last time that Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears or Paris Hilton
done anything with their career other than publicly exposing/humiliating themselves?
Hey Tom Cruise, look at this picture and tell me there’s no such thing
as Post-Partum Depression:
WAR EAGLE!
* In an effort
to find a picture of Carmen Electra appropriate for this site, I searched
for “Carmen Electra Fully Clothed” to which there were no search
results.
Ryan can be contacted at ryan@theauburner.com
