|
Kansas State Preview Wear Sunblock- Even thought the first two games are night games, there will still be the two hour period before the game where the sun gets to pound mercilessly on you… namely the left half of your face. There are a few strategies to avoid what I call the ‘two-face’ look: 1) Wear sunblock (most likely for the more logical fans) 2) Do what I do and attempt to look backwards as often as you look forward, allowing the sun to equally burn both sides of your face or 3) Do what this *clever fan did and use your ticket and headphones to block the sun for you.
Be nice to the Kansas State fans- We are the SEC and we are proud. No one shows more southern comfort than we do… to out of conference teams. Tell Kansas State fans you’re glad they made the trip and tell them they played a great game even after we pummel them mercilessly. Save all your anger and hatred for when fellow SEC opponents come into town: make witty, but condescending remarks about how their women resemble their mascot and their men resemble their women. But don’t let any of that slip out toward out-of-conference fans; let’s win (smugly) with class. Be quiet during the pregame video- Always key for an awesome pump up. Since 2004, Auburn has been providing the best pregame pump-up videos in the nation (I completely assume). This year’s video will undoubtedly be the no different, only on a huge high definition screen! So shut up! Predictions for big games: Auburn vs. Kansas State This has the makings of a sloppy game. Auburn’s offensive line could be amazing by mid-season, but is currently still taking baby steps toward being dependable. Kansas State’s defensive line on the other hand, was one of the best in the nation in tackles for loss and sacks. Cox will be hot in the first and second quarter, but make a few critical mistakes in the third quarter. About half of the Auburn fans will start to doubt the extent to which Brandon Cox is a robot (it’s a night game, intoxication impairs judgement), but Brandon will put together a stellar fourth quarter effort and end the game with 3 touchdowns and 1 interception. Our offensive line will allow a couple of sacks, but the running game will be as good as ever. Kansas State will score one touchdown off the interception early in the third quarter, but won’t get much else. Auburn wins 35-7. Tennessee vs. California I haven’t hated Tennessee in a while. They did us a favor last year but sucking in the SEC, but clobbering the Pac-10’s second best team, therefore fueling my SEC elitist tendencies. Now Tennessee travels across the country to give the West Coast another taste of humble pie. (Switches to redneck voice) ALL YOUR DAGGUM LIBERAL MEDIA AND DAGGUM HIPPIE SURFBOARDS WON’T SAVE YOU THIS TIME! I guess its funnier when you hear the voice, but we live in Alabama, we know what rednecks sound like. Tennessee pulls through for the SEC in a convincing 34-21 win. Georgia vs. Oklahoma State An interesting matchup. Oklahoma State isn’t a bad team, but has never really made the breakthrough into becoming a really good team. Let’s just say that Georgia needs to take them seriously, which they will. Georgia is one of the few SEC teams this year with a returning starter at quarterback, and it will show as Stafford has a player of the week game with 4 touchdowns. Georgia wins 44-17. LSU vs. Mississippi State The only reason I care about this game is because it’s the first SEC game of the season. It’s a Thursday night, so get the cheese dip and grill going so we can watch the first REAL football game of the season (Big East? Puh-lease… Imagine I said that in a straight way) LSU will probably wipe the floor with Miss State, but I have a feeling that Miss State will bring a little more bite than usual. They won’t pull the upset or anything, but it will be enough to make the media put LSU’s #2 ranking into question. Overall, LSU will have a good win over Miss State, but won’t even be close to meeting their expectations as they win 28-7. Florida State vs. Clemson I’m going to develop a new theory: Any school that ends with the word ‘State’ sucks at football. Go ahead and test my theorem, so it may soon become scientific law. Clemson’s mascot is an orange and blue tiger; there is no way they can lose. Florida State will recognize my new law and switch their name to just Florida… wait. Florida A&M… taken. Central Florida… who would want that name?… Florida Tech? Clemson pulls the ‘upset’ 13-10. War Eagle! *Dorky…
you never want to be called a dork by an engineer. **Regarding my theorem: LSU doesn't count as Louisiana State, because the last word they use when referring to themselves is 'U' which stands for 'Universtiy'... plus it completely ruins my theory, because they are in fact very good.…
|
|||
