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by Ryan
10-17-06
I was so right about Florida, I scared myself:
1) “Very few will pick Auburn to win, which ultimately leads to the untimely death of the hopes and dreams of our opponents.” No one thrives as an underdog like Auburn.
2) “Florida turns the ball over practically a guaranteed 2 times a game.” It was almost as if Florida was striving to complete this prophecy at the end of the game, the blocked punt and safety were just added bonuses.
3) “Florida leads the nation in penalties.” The holding penalty in the end-zone was a very welcome boost, along with Florida’s numerous other penalties.
4) “…utilizing the raw power of a nuclear bomb or a Tray Blackmon would bring a very abrupt and certain victory, but on the other hand, the devastation caused by an atomic weapon or a Tray Blackmon is a cruel and unfair fate to wish even upon our enemies” Just when Florida was about to score, Blackmon happened.
5) “Even though Florida was able to conquer LSU with ease, I think we match up better against Florida than LSU does.” It’s all about match-ups baby!
6) “…we also have to solution to Chris Leak’s ultra-lob-style pass: Eric Brock.” Chris Leak tried to throw 2 interceptions, but David Irons has the hands of a bronco (which has no fingers), but in David’s defense, a Bronco can still lay a nasty lick and knock down passes. Brock on the other hand, made his easiest clutch play of the year.
Wins like these
are bittersweet. I brought an abundance of Extra-Strength-Tylenol-Rapid-Release-Gels
to cancel the inevitable migraines that go hand-in-hand with big games like
these. These pills are the sketchiest looking over-the-counter drugs ever.
And the fact that I smuggle them in a wrinkled Ziploc bag makes it look all
the worse. Here, see if you can tell which picture are the real kind of hardcore
drugs and which one is a crappy attempt to recreate the real drugs picture
with Tylenol and a Ziploc bag…
So I was walking up the stands, where I run into the Auburn Plainsman writer Amy Gordon. We exchange generic Pre-game banter and then after a little bit she says “You’re drunk, aren’t you?” I most definitely wasn’t, but I wasn’t about to give away that I have natural impairments to my general logic, judgment, balance and volume control, and therefore made the drunkest face I could and proceeded to yell that “The intensity of this game is enough to get me drunk… I’m a lightweight!” or something to that extent. Can my condition be intervened?
While I’m talking about drugs and alcohol, I might as well give my thoughts on the Miami vs. FIU Royal Rumble. All I have to say is that Miami and Florida State have always been a magnet for thugs and morons. FIU is like a little brother to them, and now FIU is starting to get mixed in the wrong crowd. I’d start checking under FIU’s bed to see if they stole any of Miami’s drugs… which were probably stolen from somewhere else.
Speaking of drugs and alcohol, Auburn is now 2-0 in the past three years against ESPN’s Gameday! Let’s face it, we just don’t mix well with Gameday. Gameday was mad at Auburn for bringing in numerous anti-Corso and anti-Holtz signs and for not being loud for the show, and Auburn is mad at Gameday because they are bunch of idiots. I strongly believe that if Corso had picked Auburn before the game, we would have lost, and bad. He scared me too, I thought he was going to pick Auburn when he said “I love Auburn! I’m wearing an Auburn tie! Auburn women are the most beautiful in the country! Mumble Mumble Mumble…” but then he saved the day and reached for the Gator head and yelled “Forgettaboutit!” and then game was over before it even started. Thanks Corso.
Now onto the
BCS. I can’t help but feel like the BCS is up to something. Why are
we at #4? Do the “computers” add a bonus “Got screwed in
2004” variable? Being an engineer, I don’t take surprises very
well, even if they are good surprises. This is what I imagine what the BCS
looks like:
“I’ll get you next time, Auburn… NEXT TIME!”
I’ll finish
by saying that the game ball goes to Tre Smith. While most people would worry
about merely getting ahold of a blocked punt, but Tre Smith snatched it, sprinted
toward the goal line, and it what had to be the quickest thinking act of the
day, he does a flip into the endzone. He only had like 5 yards to figure out
what to do, and he nails the landing! I therefore created a page to Tre Smith’s
Style Points: http://tredance.ytmnd.com/
(you might need Internet Explorer to watch)
WAR EAGLE!
E-mail ryan at
ryan@theauburner.com
