Person Number One: We Love Krystal!

Person Number Two: WOOOOO WOOOOOO!

*Person Number One and Person Number Two begin to flail their limbs rigorously… not to be confused with dancing*

Person Number One: YEAAAH! Like, we went to Krystal and we were so, like, starving! But we had a band party to go to!

Person Number Two: I KNOOW! So we just bought a bunch of Krystals! WOOOOOO!

*Clip of Person Number One and Person Number Two at a Band Party*

Person Number One: WOOOOOO! So we, like, got some Krystals, and then we were the…

Person One and Two in unison: LIFE OF THE PARTY! WOOOOO!

We all know these Krystal Stories are a load of crap, AND they are boring. Since they encourage you to send in your own Krystal Story, I figure that I might as well show everyone how its really done. So I’m taking it upon myself to give my own Krystal Story, which I’m titling: Ryan’s ‘Kris’tal Story:

Dear Krystal,

Hi, my name is Ryan and this is my ‘Kris’tal Story. I was in a pretty bad mood one day, I’d been bogged down with tests and the hunger was really starting to get to me. Then I heard a knock on my door. I opened it and it was my roommate Marquad. He says “Hi. Mark Wilson here.” To which I replied, “Oh hi, Mark. Come on in.” He then proposed that we go get something to eat. “What do you feel like?” he asked. “I dunno, I kinda feel like making a Run for the Border.” I respond. “You ALWAYS want to got to Taco Bell!” Marquad accurately rebuttaled. “Well, let’s just drive that waaaaaaaaaay and we’ll decide what we want when we get there.”

Normally, we would only have to drive about a half a mile to get to Taco Bell, but they tore it down to make way for another Taco Bell. So to satisfy our D-Grade taco cravings, we would have to drive to the other side of town. So Marquad and I drove down College Street to go to Taco Bell. It just so happens that Taco Bell is only a few hundred feet from Krystal in Auburn. Mark says “Y’know… Krystal sounds pretty good right now.” Since we were already planning on having our digestive systems take another hit for the team with Taco Bell, we might as well go for a Home Run with Krystal. “OK, how about we go to the one with the shorter drive-thru line.” As you might predict, Krystal had no cars in the drive-thru, so we headed up to the Krystal.

But that’s not where the story ends…

So we walked into Krystal and began to consider which anti-intestinal combo we should choose. Marquad, whom is significantly more observant than I am leans over and said “Hey, isn’t that the girl who you stalk all the time?” I looked over and noticed “the one who got away”…well, getting away again. In fact, she was running. She must have spotted me first, which pretty much never happens to stalkers of my aptitude. It was Kris Layton, a very involved SGA member and former Miss Auburn Candidate. I had written her a few love-letters and a few techno songs, you know, the usual. Obviously, I wouldn’t be much of a boyfriend if I just let my pretend-girlfriend run away simply because she saw me! So I pulled Marquad away from the ordering counter as he was about to order a #4 Mix-N-Match Combo (the most detrimental of all your combos). Marquad, like everyone else, tries to talk me out of following Kris. But I just assume that he’s speaking out of selfishness and wants to eat.

I pulled out my GPS which shows me where Kris’ car is located (I planted a tracking device on her car a while back) and followed her to, of all places, Moe’s. This was a bad day to be a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. So I casually went up to Kris’ table and gave her my standard pick up line: “WHAT UP GIRL!” All things considered, she responded rather politely. After sighing for about a minute and burying her head in her hand, she finally asked “Ryan, what is it you want from me?” I, as frank as always, responded “Just let me take you out to dinner for some all-you-can-eat wings.” She responds with a very rapid “No.” So the bargaining game began.

Ryan: Well how about you let me buy you some nachos?

Kris: No

Ryan: A Chili Dog?

Kris: Do you eat ANYTHING that isn’t disgusting?

Ryan: I’M THE ONE ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE!

Kris: Oh… sorry.

Ryan: Ok, how about you take a picture with me where you pretend I don’t creep you out and we’ll call it even.

Kris: Deal

So Kris dropped all the lawsuits and I agreed to stay 50 feet away at all times. Marquad, wiping a tear from his eye at such a beautiful heartfelt triumph, said “Good job. Now let’s go eat.” We then went back to ‘Kris’tal and both order a Mix-N-Match Combo with a couple extra Krystals on top.

Well that’s my story, hopefully you’ll let me make a commercial out of it.

Love,
Ryan