The NFL Draft!
Sweet sassy malassy the draft was awesome. And by awesome, I mean Brady Quinn got embarrassed and humiliated. Projected by many to go third overall, Mr. Quinn slipped slowly and painfully to my new lucky number: 22. Merely comparing a player like Brady Quinn to a player like Jamarcus Russell and suggesting that they are almost equal is not just insulting to LSU fans, but an insult to rationality. I’m still looking for something that would warrant someone spending their first draft pick on Brady Quinn. The best reason anyone can come up with is his size. I’ll give him that, he’s tall. But Brady Quinn is a weak 1-5 against top 10 opponents in the past 2 seasons. Quarterbacks should be great because they’re great, not simply because they are the starting quarterback for a team that used to be good in the 70’s. While ESPN may still have an unnecessary amount of power and influence over college football, ESPN thankfully still can’t touch the NFL. ESPN had everyone in the world convinced that Brady Quinn was great, except for the NFL, who was still very aware that he’s overrated.

Republican and Democratic Debates!
America is screwed! Who do YOU want to be our next president? I miss the good old days when picking the president was an easy choice and there was an obvious winner. This time around, we have half the ingredients of a good election: the obvious loser. I can’t tell who should be this year’s Ross Perot. The only thing missing is the obvious better choice. Every election needs someone like Ross Perot and Ralph Nader to make people like George Bush and Bill Clinton look good. But this election is shaping up to be completely filled with Perots and Naders, and now America isn’t smart enough to figure out which one is ACTUALLY better. When I was a kid, my parents asked me if I wanted to be president, and I responded, “I would never stoop so low.” Picking from the current list of candidates (this goes for both parties) is like picking which of the following you want to be your new roommate:



Barney is probably the best/safest bets, but he’s still one of the most dangerous predatory species ever, I’d keep an eye on him.

Paris Hilton is going to prison!
For the first time ever, I actually want there to be a reality TV show. No one hates reality TV more than me, but this is too good to be true. If there isn’t a reality show based on Paris Hiltons adventures in prison, then democracy has failed.

Sir Charles Hates San Francisco!
Charles Barkley said on national television: “I would rather stay on Alcatraz than San Francisco or Oakland.” I still don’t see why this is controversial. Everything on wheels in San Francisco slowly rolls down into the Bay. I wouldn’t know about this unless Conan O’Brien hadn’t done a week of shows in San Francisco. And yes, about 90% of all the news that I receive either come from Conan O’Brien or John Stewart.

Spiderman 3 Breaks Records!
I betrayed my inner nerd and waited until the following Wednesday after its opening to see Spiderman 3. I heard a bunch of complaints about the movie being too cheesy. I have absolutely no complaints about this movie, except that it could have used a couple MORE dance sequences. That’s right, saying that it needs MORE dance sequences presumes that there is already at least ONE dance sequence present, but they were awesome. If you can’t handle the concept of Spiderman dancing, then you are probably living in some sort of non-nerdy dreamworld. Wake up and smell the mint condition Star Trek collectables.

American Idol!
I don’t really watch this show, because I think that there will be an inevitable decrease in talent year-by-year, because they take the best each year and don’t allow repeats. I saw an episode and it was terrible, therefore I will submit my theory of American Idol’s decline to be declared scientific law. Hopefully this will be the last season. And yes, I’m one of those grouchy people that thinks that my opinion counts so much that just because I think something is stupid, that it shouldn’t exist: namely American Idol Jimmy Fallon. Ironically though, I have on many occasions confessed my own stupidity, and therefore by suggesting that everything that I think is stupid should not exist… then that means that I shouldn’t exi…