Cartoons and Globilization
2-23-05
By: Ryan

It is a gloomy day in America. Not because of the weather, yesterday was the nicest day I’ve seen in this young year. If you’ll go with me to http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05048/458932.stm you will find that the retards at Warner Bros. have decided to sell the soul of America to make an extra buck. I’m talking about cartoons, one of America’s greatest traditions. While most eyes are on the splitting of America through politics, America’s past-times are slowly being stolen by the Japanese, starting with our cartoons!

I am a rather large fan of cartoons, mostly because I have the mental maturity of an eight and three-quarters year old. I grew up watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, He-man, Transformers, and of course, Looney Tunes. TMNT, He-man, and Transformers have all been re-made in the past few years, and they have all failed horribly because the creators gave into the brainless temptation to become a stupid Japanese cartoon. They all used the outlandish streaking background while jumping through the air, none of their eyes were round, they have taken the humor and joy out of looking up to fictional role-models for myself and other children across America. After watching the ghastly remake of the Ninja Turtles series, I searched frantically for the old-fashioned Ninja Turtles, where the jokes, the personalities, the conflicts and the action were all better. I somehow got over these cartoons simply because they are all action cartoons at heart, and remained so.

But this is where I draw the line. I have never been so disgusted in my life as to see the new evil-looking bugs bunny in the new series “Loonatics”. Bugs Bunny was one of the greatest cartoons ever made, he was funny, cunning, and static in his demeanor. Don’t ask me what I meant by that. Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tunes were icons in American culture and represented everything that America is about: always winning and being a smart-aleck. I don’t know what is more disturbing about this cartoon, Daffy Duck having sonar powers, or having Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner on the same team. Everything about this cartoon is wrong! Whoever came up with the idea to take American culture and sacrifice it to the high popularity of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh and freakin’ uh… Beyblade deserves to get the gas chamber for treason.

Do you think I’m over-reacting? Having Japanese cartoons imported to America is ok, but turning our own cartoons into anime knock-offs is going to be the downfall of our nation. Just wait and see, it won’t be long until there are no American cartoons left for children, and America will have to pay more and more for Japanese cartoons as the demand goes up, and then we will go over our imported cartoon budget, and we will have to take it out of our military fund, and then we will get the crap beat out of us by everyone but France in World War III! Now do you understand how critical this is! Warner Bros. give us back our cartoons! America’s only hope lies in the hands of Family Guy, The Simpsons, and SpongeBob Squarepants. I’ll give King of the Hill to Japan, that show sucks to extents that science cannot explain.

Ryan can be contacted at ryan@theauburner.com