Ryan and the Post-Apocalypic Auburn
3 -15-05
By: Ryan

My name is Ryan Stephens, a graduate student at Auburn University. The year is 2023 and I have been studying here for 20 years now. The Third World War had just ended, and we are now living in a post-apocalyptic society. Auburn was bombed by North Korea and much of the Middle East, as well as scolded by the French, whom was unable to perform an aerial strike due to their lack of military capability. I have taken pictures with my crappy camera that I’ve had since I was a sophomore and documented the aftermath of this horrible conflict.



Just when you thought the sidewalks were safe, they were closed off due to the hazard of tripping on the debris.



A professor walks away from what used to be his classroom, which is now a pile of concrete.



Students are forced to walk around what used to be a cross-walk, which would go across what used to be a road. Neither exists anymore.



Due to the destruction of all roads in Auburn, bikes are the only means of transportation, since everyone still refuses to walk to class.



What used to be a beautiful concourse has been transformed into a wasteland occupied only by tractors, cranes, giant mounds of crap, and other heavy machinery.



Another mound of crap, which is surrounded by dead trees, half-completed sidewalks and more mounds of crap.



This is the new dormitory; the old Broun Hall was destroyed, so it was too hard to resist calling this one ‘Brown Hall’ too. This explains the giant mounds of crap everywhere.



They don’t look like much, but somehow, these giant concrete tubes are going to save Auburn by stacking them into small pyramids.



There is nothing funny or significant about this photo.



IT’S A LIE!



The president’s mansion, and his car.



This crappy little weed is the only sign of plant life left. In other words, there is no place left in this world for tree-hugging hippies.



If you are thinking, “Wow, Auburn sucks,” you will eat those words as well as Queen Latifah’s belly button lint, because our stadium is still in perfect condition and our football team can and will unmercifully destroy your football team. (By the way, the BCS was replaced by the Kudos Championship Series).

WAR EAGLE!

Ryan has had the same e-mail address for the past 19 years... he can be contacted at ryan@theauburner.com