This is the equivalent of the Washington State game last year. Auburn faces a respectable out-of-conference opponent whom isn’t good enough to pose a serious immediate threat to Auburn, but can bite you if you take them lightly. Last season, Auburn routed Washington State 40-14, and no Auburn fan felt satisfied with the performance. Twelve games later, it turns out that game would be the only real convincing win of the season for the Tigers. Kansas State is ranked 43rd in the AP poll, which gives them a misleading edge of the likelihood of being overlooked while still being quite talented. Auburn will get an underappreciated win over the Wildcats 34-9.

South Florida

This is the time of year where SEC elitists, such as myself, have to live with all the bad things they’ve said about the Big East. The preseason AP Poll, in all of its wisdom (ranked 5 SEC teams in the top 15), ranked South Florida 37th in the nation. Fellow SEC snobs hardly know anything about South Florida, since they are the 4th best team in the Big East. You know who’s the fourth best team, by preseason ranking, in the SEC? You guessed it: Auburn. Its time for Auburn to put the Big East to shame by delivering a completely demoralizing defeat to the South Florida Bulls. Auburn will win again in a “Nothing to gain, everything to lose” game with Brandon Cox looking great against a bush league Big East defense, while our defense is subject to some EA Sports-style Big East offense and lets a few deep balls get by. Auburn wins 44-14.

Mississippi State

In a classic rivalry over which state is more pathetic to the public eye, Auburn will once again remind Mississippi State why the state of Alabama is, and always will be, ranked no lower than 49th in the nation in education, employment rate, and dental hygiene as Auburn reminds the Bulldogs that Mississippi is merely Alabama’s disfigured twin. Auburn wins 38-7.

New Mexico State

Apparently New Mexico State has a “High Powered Offense”. Will Muschamp doesn’t care. And neither should you. Most of the Auburn fans will leave the stadium by halftime as the Auburn football team tries a little harder than they have to and shuts out NMS 44-0. In related news, Offensive Coordinator Al Borges takes the day off and wins a cupcake eating contest (real cupcakes, not teams like New Mexico State and Tennessee Tech)

Florida

It’s bad enough that Florida is the returning National Champion, and currently the 3rd highest ranked team in the nation, but Florida also has a personal vendetta for the only team to best them last season *cough* War Eagle! *cough*. Tim Tebow and Urban Meyer won’t be able to see beyond their own smug, which gives the Tigers a slight edge, as both teams are loaded with talent, but lack in overall player experience. I took this picture at last year’s bout between Florida and Auburn and the sky itself split into orange and blue.

Notice the blue is navy blue and not the sissy royal blue

Tim Tebow has made a name for himself for being a scrambling quarterback who isn’t afraid to take a hit. Tim Tebow, meet Tray Blackmon. This painful intervention will ultimately result in Tebow becoming a pocket quarterback. Tim Tebow, meet Quentin Groves. Quentin Groves is known for being a really nice, good guy outside the football field, and Tebow will wish they will have met under different circumstances, because Quentin Groves is a huge jerk on the gridiron. Auburn’s defense pulls through in a 12-10 nail biter.

Vanderbilt

From the looks of things, Vandy isn’t going to be the happy-go-lucky stooge of the SEC this year and might actually look to compete at and SEC pace. The good thing about teams like Vandy and Kentucky gaining steam is that the SEC is that the SEC is gaining an unrealistic amount of depth in that there are 10 bowl-worthy teams out of 12 this season and further extends their dominance over other conferences, the bad thing about it is that we all have to play each other… as if it wasn’t bad enough already. Vanderbilt isn’t nearly at the level of upper-tier SEC teams, but Vandy is definitely a winning season in any other conference. Auburn will not take Vandy seriously and will suffer an uncomfortably close (by Auburn’s expectations) 27-17 win.


It's not too late for tickets to these beatings. Bama tickets are still available.

Email Ryan at ryan@theauburner.com