USF Preview
9-7-07
by: Ryan


Two years ago, no one would have thought that Auburn would have to worry about their upcoming game against South Florida. But now in the year 2007, ESPN has done everything in their power to hype up the Big East to increase ratings. Mission: Success. Right now Rutgers, Louisville, and West Virginia are all ranked in the top 15. Disgusting.
As I’m writing this, I’m watching Louisville do everything in their power to fight off Middle Tennessee. Middle Tennessee? Could it be that another top 10 team will fall to a Div. 1AA school this week?

Wait… Middle Tennessee isn’t a Div. 1AA school, it’s just in the Sun Belt: The septic tank of college football!

Last week, every last team in the Sun Belt lost… except Florida Atlantic’s conference win over Middle Tennessee. In other words, the only group of teams capable of losing to a Sun Belt team, is another Sun Belt team… or maybe Louisville.
In other words, I’m not impressed with the Big East, and probably never will be. I can’t take a team seriously unless it has a defense. That’s why I hate the Pac-10 but respect the Big Ten. I hate the ACC, but don’t mind the Big XII (but I only hate the ACC because they breed thugs… ACC basketball is cool though). Sometimes it is fun to watch two teams run up the score on each other, but most of the times it’s just frustrating. It’s like watching The Patriot with Mel Gibson, where the rules of war was to line up across from each other and take turns shooting each other. Strategy? Forget about it. We’ll just bring more men and guns and hopefully less of our guys will die! Same thing with Big East football. We’ll let them run the score up on us, but *daggummit, we’re going to run it up even more on them!

No one will argue that Auburn struggled last week, but we at least struggled against a Big XII team with post-season aspirations. South Florida, on the other hand, narrowly beat Elon (My sister went there. I asked her what people yell to cheer for Elon and she said she doesn’t think she’s ever rooted for them. So she just told me that they yell “Go Fighting **Phoenii! Kaw-kaw!”)

South Florida is a decent team that we need to take seriously, but they are still a team that we should blow out of the water. South Florida’s defense couldn’t stop a dead man’s pulse, let alone Auburn’s offense. Brandon Cox should have significantly more time to make decisions in this game, and our O-Line should be able to use this game as a good stepping stone toward reliability. Look forward to the return of Auburn’s running game… Ben Tate will have over 150 yards.

Our defense, however, has their hands full. USF has a history of running the score up if taken lightly. But then again, they play in the Big East, where the scores wouldn’t change much even if there was no defense on the field. USF hasn’t faced a defense that doesn’t accept failure as part of the game plan in about two years (Penn State, 2005). This won’t be a shootout like USF is used to, because Auburn’s D will bend but never break, giving the Bulls only a pair of field goals to show for all their efforts.
This game will have bandwagon fans slowly regaining faith in Auburn, as Auburn makes far fewer mistakes, and rallies off the intensity shown at the end of last week’s game against KSU. Auburn wins 24-6.

Other Game Predictions:

LSU vs. Virginia Tech
Hokies? More like “CHOKIES!” But seriously, even as bad as that joke was, it will still prove to be more universally impressive than Virginia Tech this Saturday. LSU will once again gain the benefit of their opponent’s collapse, and continue to ride their #2 ranking. I’m not saying that LSU isn’t good, but I still don’t know if they are #2 in the nation good. LSU takes advantage of every VT turnover and rolls onto win 35-13.

Notre Dame vs. Penn State
I don’t know if the Fighting Irish will win more than one game through the first 8 games: Georgia Tech, Penn State, Michigan (they won’t flop again), Michigan State, UCLA, Boston College, and then USC will all likely spank the Irish like a naughty child… and I love it! Notre Dame doesn’t deserve special treatment any more than Alabama does. They were great a quarter century ago, but now they suck. They don’t deserve an automatic BCS bowl bid simply for having more than 9 wins. Penn State will have their second string in by the end of the 2nd quarter, and Charlie Weis’ seat will be so hot he can cook eggs on it...but he won’t because he’s watching his cholesterol. Penn State wins 44-7.

TCU vs. Texas
TCU and Texas are both ranked, so this game may concern Auburn in hopes of moving up in the ranks a little bit. But if TCU wins, they’ll likely jump us from their current #19 spot and Texas may still stay ahead of us, but if Texas wins we won’t jump or drop below either of them. So GO LONGHORNS! Texas wins 23-17.

San Jose State vs. Kansas State
Watch this video... I suddenly LOVE Kansas State now. Kansas State wins 130-4 (one safety and blocked extra point returned for a touchdown… that’s right, I’m explaining why a score of 4 is pheasable, but not the 130.)

Rice vs. Baylor
Just kidding. I’m not really going to predict this game… or how about half a prediction; I’ll give you a score, but you won’t know which team scores what. 13-32.

South Carolina vs. Georgia
Now this is some SEC FOOTBAWL! Spurrier seems to sneak in at least one classic upset a year, and this is going to be one of them. South Carolina will come to play and Georgia won’t be able to turn the momentum around. Cocks win 25-23.

Miami vs. Oklahoma
Miami wins by knockout in the 11th round.

Vandy vs. Bama
As much as I love Vandy (If the SEC were a family friendly sitcom, Vandy would be Steve Urkel, Screech, or whoever the lovable, but overall pathetic goof is), and as much as I hate Bama, I'm afraid that... Vandy wins! Unbiased prediction: Vandy pulls of the first of many 'upsets' against Bama this season 24-21.

WAR EAGLE!

*I don’t actually think people in the Big East area actually say “Daggummit,” but I sure as shoot*** like to say it!

**Apparantly plural for Phoenix

***However, I don’t care much for the term “sure as shoot”… plus I just wanted to make a note-on-a-note… creative/moronic journalism.


E-mail ryan at ryan@theauburner.com

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