By: Chad Chaderson (actually, Mark)
Freshman. We’ve learned that you’re parents have a higher
than average income, therefore, we’d like to invite you to
rush PrepHouse, Auburn’s finest fraternity.
Our Chief Master
Grand Commander, Chad Chaderson, would like to personally thank
you for considering rushing with us. Our fraternity has a very important
history. We were founded in 1834, by three men. They met one cold
November day in which they realized they had a common dream. They
envisioned a group of young elitists that would pool their parents
money together so that they could have relive the fun days of high
school all over again by hiring 311 and Dave Matthews cover bands
to play at their house parties all while they worked on a highly
marketable business degree.
is the first PrepHouse picture available. Things sure have changed
since those days, those fellas look ridiculous. We look much better
now in our standard issue pink shirt, short shorts, North Face gear,
and our bleached hair
very proud that PrepHouse came up with the idea of a large group
of men that would come together to pool all of their sources together,
and leech off of weaker brothers a full decade before the Communist
Manifesto was published. We truly are trend setters!
We would like
for you to come by our house next week during rush. Please bring
your parent’s income tax forms from last year, so we can verify
you have the money needed to join our fine organization. If we find
these documents unacceptable, we invite you to stick around and
let the brothers beat you for the betterment of the chapter.
If you are allowed
to join, there are a few rules you must follow.
You must major in Business or one of the other liberal arts, so
we can keep our GPA inflated.
2. You must follow all dress code rules.
3. You must have at least 2 confederate flag stickers on your truck.
4. You must have a truck.
5. You also must have a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker (must be for
all the wrong reasons though) you get bonus points for the ultra
preppy “W” stickers.
I dont mean to offend. I make fun of other people because I
hurt inside. It's a cry for help. But seriously, if you're a fratty
and you're offended by this, just let me know and I'll probably
get scared and take the whole thing down. If you want to cause serious
harm to me, then I'll just tell you Jacob or Todd wrote it.
can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org