RUSH PREPHOUSE!!!! 8-10-04
By: Chad Chaderson (actually, Mark)

Hello Freshman. We’ve learned that you’re parents have a higher than average income, therefore, we’d like to invite you to rush PrepHouse, Auburn’s finest fraternity.

Our Chief Master Grand Commander, Chad Chaderson, would like to personally thank you for considering rushing with us. Our fraternity has a very important history. We were founded in 1834, by three men. They met one cold November day in which they realized they had a common dream. They envisioned a group of young elitists that would pool their parents money together so that they could have relive the fun days of high school all over again by hiring 311 and Dave Matthews cover bands to play at their house parties all while they worked on a highly marketable business degree.

This picture is the first PrepHouse picture available. Things sure have changed since those days, those fellas look ridiculous. We look much better now in our standard issue pink shirt, short shorts, North Face gear, and our bleached hair

We’re very proud that PrepHouse came up with the idea of a large group of men that would come together to pool all of their sources together, and leech off of weaker brothers a full decade before the Communist Manifesto was published. We truly are trend setters!

We would like for you to come by our house next week during rush. Please bring your parent’s income tax forms from last year, so we can verify you have the money needed to join our fine organization. If we find these documents unacceptable, we invite you to stick around and let the brothers beat you for the betterment of the chapter.

If you are allowed to join, there are a few rules you must follow.

1. You must major in Business or one of the other liberal arts, so we can keep our GPA inflated.
2. You must follow all dress code rules.
3. You must have at least 2 confederate flag stickers on your truck.
4. You must have a truck.
5. You also must have a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker (must be for all the wrong reasons though) you get bonus points for the ultra preppy “W” stickers.

DISCLAIMER: I dont mean to offend. I make fun of other people because I hurt inside. It's a cry for help. But seriously, if you're a fratty and you're offended by this, just let me know and I'll probably get scared and take the whole thing down. If you want to cause serious harm to me, then I'll just tell you Jacob or Todd wrote it.

Mark can be contacted at mark@theauburner.com