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by Mark
9-18-06
Saturday was a day of incredible beatdowns on the plains. Auburn's offense was pounded by LSU's defense. LSU's offense received a sizable amount of punishment as well. Brandon Cox was brodinated very often. All sorts of receivers were hit way too hard in a waaay too violent of a game. I probably faced the worst beating of the day as I deservedly received a verbal pounding by a Plainsman editor... more on that later.
It seems article about this football game mentions how the game was 'old school', "...a 1950s score for a 1950s kind of game."
No way, no how... this was true in score only. These are all insults to the fantastic game of football played on Saturday. Don't believe these sports writers who actually "watched games in the 1950s" or have "done research on football history". Instead, listen to what a guy born in the mid 80s has to say.
"Old school football" was played by a bunch of white jocks that all filled the exact cheesy stereotypes.
Coaches back then were all drunken hillbillies who were too stupid to think of plays outside 'handoff to the running back’. The forward pass was considered a trick play back then.
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Wearing
a metrosexual hat, paying off players and bragging about how many players
died during preseason practices won’t automatically make you coach
of the year anymore. It took coaches seventy years to realize that it’s better to give athletes water during practice rather than salt tablets. Tuberville and Borges don’t worry about outward appearances – only their football genius, and football benefits from it. On the morning of one of the biggest games of the season, Tuberville apparently woke up, looked in the mirror and said, “Heck, I’m going for the Ringo Starr look today. Les won’t see THAT coming!” And Borges still has a thing for Hawaiian shirts. Buttoning the top button of your golf shirt – no longer just for creepy guys. |
I’m not
worried about John Vaughn Van Damme (I’m still going to try my hardest
to get that name to stick - Hey, let’s call Brad Lester The AU Burner!).
Van Damme is still a great kicker, maybe a little too good. He’s hit
the left upright in two consecutive kicks against LSU. Think about it, making
a football hit one upright must be 1000 times harder than making a football
go through both uprights. The rule committee should make a ruling “hitting
an upright is worth five points”
Scariest moment of the game? Brandon Cox went down - hard. The hopes of Auburn
people went from ‘possible national championship’ to ‘I
hope we can make a bowl’ in about four seconds. Cox went down in front
of the student section after being sacked. He rolled over, looked down at
his leg, took his helmet off and slammed it to the ground and punched the
ground a few times. This was a big deal. Brandon Cox does not show emotion.
Ever. He’s not visibly disappointed after interceptions, he’s
not visible happy after touchdowns or victories – yet he was very angry
after we went down.
From Al.com
| "I
got hit on my leg," Cox explained. "I heard my knee pop and
my leg went numb. It scared me." "I heard the crowd cheering my name, so I jumped up," Cox said. "But when I got to the sideline, my ankles were hurting." Regardless, Cox went back into the game. |
Well, that doesn’t
make any since at all. Thank goodness he’s ok.
Was this due to more Borge witchcraft? Was Brandon trying to insinuate that
positive energy from the crowd magically unshattered his knee? Is his emotionless
Vulcan logic so screwed up that he thought the crowd was trying to tell him
to get off the field? Either way, Brandon Cox is a weird guy. We love him
for it.
| The
match up between the short David Irons (AU cornerback) and the tall Dwayne
Bowe (LSU WR) was an interesting one. It was a lot like the match up between
David and Goliath in the Bible. The only differences being; on Saturday, David Irons represented Goliath. Secondly, Irons (Goliath), destroyed Bowe (Dwayne that is... not David) LSU defiantly earned Auburn’s respect on Saturday. If Auburn’s ranked #2 in the country, LSU deserves to be #2.03. Those guys are beasts and their fans know how to body paint |
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not really lsu fans... but that'd be cool if they were.
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I didn’t follow the
advice of Ryan when it came to the use of sunscreen. This is what
happens when you go months without prolonged exposure to the sun and
then go an entire day in Jordan-Hare. For those of you who love calculus;
do some research and figure out where Jordan-Hare is in relation to
the sun. Also look up the times the game started and ended… you
can probably look at my face and determine the general area I stood
in during the game. |
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It’s a selfish thought, but I really hope he stays. I hope Al Borges realizes that sometimes the #2 guy can be more successful than the top guy. “Happy Days” starred Richie Cunningham, but everyone knew The Fonz was the reason for the show’s success. Vinnie
Barbarino wasn’t a title character either, but he still stole
the show. |
 “Up your nose with a rubber hose, BAMA!” |
As for my personal beatdown... I arrived to the student gate at about 10:15 to meet up with Ryan. At this point, there were about a dozen other students already at the gate. When I arrived, a young lady quickly introduced herself to me as Amy Gordon, and reminded me of an article I wrote back in June in response to an editorial of hers. In my defense, this was months before football season and I didn’t have much to post about. Also, in my defense, I’m an idiot. She respectfully let me know how wrong I was – I agreed.
It baffles me that legitimate journalists like Dan Steinberg (Washington Post), Nancy Hass (New York Times) and Amy Gordon (The Plainsman) spend time reading junk on the Auburner. I don’t know the reasoning behind it, but I have noticed this sort of thing isn’t unprecedented. Engineers are always watching and reading sci-fi stuff that basically disregards the laws of physics and engineers love their Star Wars and Babylon 5. Similarly, journalists must enjoy reading things which completely lack anything resembling journalistic competence (The Auburner).
Anyways, I just
wanted to let you guys know that I was messing around when I wrote that Girl
Power Rebuke and that Ms. Gordon is 100 times better at writing than I
am (though, that number would be more like 500 or 1000 if she were a man).
War Eagle!
E-mail mark at
mark@theauburner.com
