| Tubs to Miami 12-4-07 by: Ryan Word from an anonymous inside source from athletic department has leaked out, and it is our journalistic duty to get the word out so that we may petition the following events from occurring if at all possible, but sadly most of the following crucial changes to our staff are pretty much set in stone. Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs finally caved in and removed Auburn’s head coach Tommy Tuberville’s hefty buyout, allowing Tuberville to leave whenever he wishes. A reliable inside source indicates that Tommy isn’t leaving for Arkansas, nor Texas A&M, but to Miami! Since he was a former defensive coordinator there up through 1993, which appears to be the main reason he is wanting to return. Miami was waiting for the opportunity to snag a higher-scale head coach since the firing of Larry Coker, while current Miami head coach Randy Shannon is expected to step back down to defensive coordinator.
Al Borges on the other hand, desperately wants to go back to California. He let what could possibly be his intentions slip in an interview saying “I always wanted to pursue my career as an actor. I’ve always loved Peter Pan, but the cords necessary to lift me up were always too *@&# visible! No word has been released yet concerning the new vacant head coaching spot, and all the assistant coaches are subject to change once the head coaching job has been filled, but we will be sure to keep you up to date. I would suggest that we petition the Athletic Department and AD Jay Jacobs to keep this from happening and to keep our Auburn family together, but our informant says the deal is pretty much “set in stone.” War Eagle Anyways! |
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With Tuberville no longer holding the strings together, Al Borges and Will Mushcamp have both moved on to other things. Will Muschamp, Auburn’s Defensive Coordinator who is ranked the #4 assistant coach in the nation by ESPN, has been put near the top of the list of Arkansas head coaching prospects. In a round-robin rotation of coaches, Auburn’s Athletic Director Jay Jacobs has left a few hints leading us to believe that he would like former Ole Miss Head Coach Ed Orgeron as our new defensive coordinator, adding “That should be demeaning enough to get him on board.”
So I think I’m old enough to portray a convincing Captain Hook.” Shocking. So who is going to replace Borges on his pursuit to live out his hippie dreams? The best lead we have is Pat Hill from Fresno State University. “Anyone daring to sport such a handlebar moustache with such intensity has what it takes to be an Auburn Tiger” says Jacobs.