Potential Date : Emily Guthrie Year: 07 Major: Accounting

Emily,

I have been a close follower of the Miss Auburn race and you are easily one of the most amazing people I’ve ever seen. You encompass everything that is good in this world: smart, caring, associated with Auburn… the list goes on. Since I already know a lot about you, I think that it is only fair that I tell you a few things about myself. My name is Ryan Stephens (but you can call me Lieutenant Ramathorn if it pleases you) and I am a third year Mechanical Engineer Major. Despite my major, I’m actually a tolerable human being once you get to know me. I have attached a picture so that you can get a better idea as to what I look like. Sadly this is the most flattering picture I could find.



So I understand you are in a Sorority, that’s great because I participate in the Greek lifestyle as well, I am part of Delta Alpha Nu Kappa (DANK). Trust me, it exists. I’m also an avid poet… what’s that you ask? You want me to write you a poem? Ok. Here’s a little Haiku I like to call “A Poem to Emily in Which the Title of the Poem is Longer Than the Poem Itself”:

The one word that can
Describe my love for you is:
Recyclable

Now I know that you probably get asked out by guys like me all the time, but I think you should give me special consideration. I have attached a chart that accurately compares me to the average college male.



As you can see, I am completely superior in every way in every quality that women tend to find interest. Anyways, I think we could have a great time if you let me take you out to Olive Garden! We can talk about recycling and how it can help Auburn save money and preserve its beauty! I could also recycle a few jokes! Like all those Chuck Norris Facts, those never get old (did you know he can breathe underwater?)! If you don’t want to talk about recycling I guess you could watch me pound so many breadsticks that you may need to resuscitate me (please be gentle). You know Valentine ’s Day is coming up, and I would be honored if you accepted my invitation to have some Italian food with me. I’m looking forward to hearing from you and good luck in the Miss Auburn race!

Hope to hear from you soon,
Ryan (Juventud Guerrero for short)


Ryan can be contacted at ryan@theauburner.com